|
|
Post by OverseerCWFJ on Sept 21, 2004 20:24:55 GMT -5
I believe that we may have an idea of who we may want our husband/wife to be, and as long as you are not running (as a woman) to that person saying "you are my husband", then I believe that you are fine. I also believe that as long as you remain prayerful and have God as priority then everything else will fall into place. Interesting posts. I am happy to see how it is developing. Do you follow the writings/articles/sermons that I post on my website? I wrote a play-type article once in which I brought up a subject similiar to this. In the "play" there were several women, all of whom had silently determined that a man in church would be their husband----the problem is that each woman was interested in the same man. As it turned out at the end, the man already was happily married. I told you I would not comment on this. However, I have to move with the Spirit. You are wise in not condeming your friend. By the same token, I would not advise anyone to encourage such behavior (and I don't believe you are encouraging it). If she asks for advice, I would counteract what she is doing with scriptural examples...or lack thereof. Where in the bible did a man or woman have to shop in faith for a wedding outfit? That's not God. Sorry. I tried to stay out of this but...... |
|
|
|
Post by Watchman On The Wall on Sept 21, 2004 20:32:48 GMT -5
If it helps your friend psychologically to do what she is doing, then that is her business. How old is she? Has she ever married before? Does she have children? My friend is 43. Yes, she has been married before. And she has 2 children and 3 or 4 grandchildren. |
|
|
|
Post by Watchman On The Wall on Sept 21, 2004 20:43:25 GMT -5
I wonder if there are any men buying tuxedos, checking out reception sites, and buying decorations for a would-be wedding? Your friend "thinks she knows". If she is not sure by now, I am pretty certain she is wrong. I have heard this exact scenario several times in the past. I thought it was an Urban Legend. LOL....I honestly don't know what the men out there are doing. I just like to keep up with the one that I have...LOL, Good question though because one never knows. As for her thinking that she knows who her husband is. I have to respectfully disagree with "If she is not sure by now, I am pretty certain that she is wrong". I just believe that there is a time and season for everything. I am not saying that I believe this man is her husband, I also cannot say that he is not. I just don't know. Again, I must respectfully disagree. Who determines the "normal" age for marraige? Yes, there was a time (back in the day) when people married young, at the same time, many of those marraiges from those time were arranged. There are also some who are marrying later in life because financially they are not ready, not to mention emotionally and physically. I really wouldn't want anyone who may be reading this, and may be over 30, feel that they are "abnormal" because they are not married. I certainly do not feel this way and I will be 35 in November! True, but for now, I have to do it myself or bring my car in to be repaired! Not including the part about Star Jones because I don't know her personally and therefore have not spoken with her to know how she feels, this statement is true. Again, normal, God given, feelings to have. Yet, in all, I have to exercise self control. No Jesus did not make us to be monks, God did speak and say "it is not good for man to be alone and if He said it, that settles it! |
|
|
|
Post by Watchman On The Wall on Sept 21, 2004 20:50:11 GMT -5
Interesting posts. I am happy to see how it is developing. Do you follow the writings/articles/sermons that I post on my website? I wrote a play-type article once in which I brought up a subject similiar to this. In the "play" there were several women, all of whom had silently determined that a man in church would be their husband----the problem is that each woman was interested in the same man. As it turned out at the end, the man already was happily married. Yes, I do remember that article. I agree with not encouraging the behavior because quite frankly, you may be setting yourself up for a fall. I had a staff meeting tonight with the Ministry that I volunteer with and she was there, and again, I just loved on her and encouraged her in the Lord. I also let her know that I am not going the route that she is going in and therefore advised her to stay prayerful. We may be going to the mall together this weekend and I am sure the subject will come up again. You gave good advice and I will ask her to show me in Scripture where this was done. I will post her comments!  Glad you joined us!! |
|
Science
New CWFJ Family Member
Posts: 7
|
Post by Science on Sept 22, 2004 7:37:01 GMT -5
I wonder if there are any men buying tuxedos, checking out reception sites, and buying decorations for a would-be wedding? Your friend "thinks she knows". If she is not sure by now, I am pretty certain she is wrong. I have heard this exact scenario several times in the past. I thought it was an Urban Legend. Today it occurred to me that women do that because women more than men seem to feel how lonely and abnormal it is to be over 30 and still not married. Argue if you want to, but it is not natural to be alone after 30 years. No one to turn to when you are hurt and no one to call if your car breaks down (well, Triple-A is good) but you know what I mean. No one who wants to hold you and love you in intimate ways. No one to to finish your sentences for you while you are talking. I have been checking out Star Jones and how happy she is. She is 41 and I believe she is so happy because she is tired of feeling empty. Yes, Jesus is enough but He did not make us to be monks. We need somebody. At least I do. You wonder if any men are going through all that? NO WAY! LOL Even after my engagement, my wife and all the women in her family and my family did all the work. All I had to do was show up. But it's all good. I got married at 38. I knew the minute I looked at her that she was the one and we got engaged 3 days later and married 6 months later. Word to the wise for the ladies (this is a freebie!) Brothers know right away. If you have been dating him for over 6 months and he is not talking about a ring yet, walk. All my boys agree with me that dudes know right away. Women get too emotional and desperate at times. The sister talked about loneliness and it being abnormal to be single. I agree that it gets lonely and for me personal I felt strange after a while. I really did need a help meet and for me (can only speak for myself) it was abnormal for me to be single. I was off kilter and did not get my groove back until I married my wife. |
|
LadyJ
New CWFJ Family Member
Posts: 25
|
Post by LadyJ on Sept 22, 2004 11:15:16 GMT -5
Science brought out some good points. How many years have you been married, Science? If you got married so quickly, it's good that it worked out for you.
One more question. You say that you did not get your groove back until you got married. Someone would argue that you were not complete as a person if you were not back on track until you met another person. How would you respond to that? Hope I'm not being too nosy but I think I can learn something from your situation. I've never met anyone who married so quickly although I've heard of cases like yours.
|
|
Wizdom
New CWFJ Family Member
Posts: 21
|
Post by Wizdom on Sept 22, 2004 11:50:30 GMT -5
Science, I'm quoting you:
I got married at 38. I knew the minute I looked at her that she was the one and we got engaged 3 days later and married 6 months later.
Hold up. How did you know? Can you explain what helped you to know that this was "the one"?
Word to the wise for the ladies (this is a freebie!) Brothers know right away. If you have been dating him for over 6 months and he is not talking about a ring yet, walk. All my boys agree with me that dudes know right away.
You truly are dropping some science on me this afternoon! Glad I checked in. Back up. Are you saying that any man who looks at a woman pretty much knows right away whether or not he wants her? What about women who date men for years and years and it never goes beyond the dating stage? See, people are talking about J-Lo like a dog because she got married right away to Mark-Anthony. People this morning on the news were laughing at Brittany Spears for marrying her husband. Is it possible they those people are the ones who are right? Wow.
Women get too emotional and desperate at times. The sister talked about loneliness and it being abnormal to be single. I agree that it gets lonely and for me personal I felt strange after a while. I really did need a help meet and for me (can only speak for myself) it was abnormal for me to be single. I was off kilter and did not get my groove back until I married my wife.
This is where I am right now. I'm off kilter and my groove is sho-nuf gone! I need to get back to work!
|
|
Science
New CWFJ Family Member
Posts: 7
|
Post by Science on Sept 22, 2004 13:28:29 GMT -5
Science brought out some good points. How many years have you been married, Science? If you got married so quickly, it's good that it worked out for you. One more question. You say that you did not get your groove back until you got married. Someone would argue that you were not complete as a person if you were not back on track until you met another person. How would you respond to that? Hope I'm not being too nosy but I think I can learn something from your situation. I've never met anyone who married so quickly although I've heard of cases like yours. I must have opened up a can of worms here! I'll take your questions 1 at a time. 1. I have been married for 7 years 2. It's difficult to respond to what other people might say. All I can say is that I have a good marriage and we have a five year old son. For me it worked out. I knew what I wanted and went for it. 3. In some societies like India the husband and wife meet on their wedding day and statistics show that those are the marriages that last the longest. |
|
Science
New CWFJ Family Member
Posts: 7
|
Post by Science on Sept 22, 2004 13:45:48 GMT -5
Science, I'm quoting you: I got married at 38. I knew the minute I looked at her that she was the one and we got engaged 3 days later and married 6 months later.Hold up. How did you know? Can you explain what helped you to know that this was "the one"? Word to the wise for the ladies (this is a freebie!) Brothers know right away. If you have been dating him for over 6 months and he is not talking about a ring yet, walk. All my boys agree with me that dudes know right away.You truly are dropping some science on me this afternoon! Glad I checked in. Back up. Are you saying that any man who looks at a woman pretty much knows right away whether or not he wants her? What about women who date men for years and years and it never goes beyond the dating stage? See, people are talking about J-Lo like a dog because she got married right away to Mark-Anthony. People this morning on the news were laughing at Brittany Spears for marrying her husband. Is it possible they those people are the ones who are right? Wow. Women get too emotional and desperate at times. The sister talked about loneliness and it being abnormal to be single. I agree that it gets lonely and for me personal I felt strange after a while. I really did need a help meet and for me (can only speak for myself) it was abnormal for me to be single. I was off kilter and did not get my groove back until I married my wife.
Wizdom's question #1 - How did you know? Can you explain what helped you to know that this was "the one"?Sis, I wish I could explain it. No magic here. I saw her at a distance and approached her. We started to talk. Although there was a room full of gorgeous women, some prettier than her, I connected with her in a way that I cannot explain and knew I would marry her. Wizdom's question #2 - Are you saying that any man who looks at a woman pretty much knows right away whether or not he wants her? Yes, that is what I am saying. If he does not know right away and has to wait months and years, I believe that if they do ever marry, that's the type of marriage that will end up in the 50% failure rate statistic. My opinion only. I can't prove this but I am more in love with my wife than when I met her the first time and the attraction has never dimmed. Wizdom's question #3 - What about women who date men for years and years and it never goes beyond the dating stage?Women who date men for years on end without a proposal are playing a dangerous game with themselves. I'm not talking about college students but working adults. First, I believe that they are doing intimate things with the guy. I don't believe they are dating all that time and nothing's happening. The guy then starts to string her on because his needs are being met and obviously the "bell" did not go off for him. If it went off, he'd have a ring on her finger and a wedding date set. |
|
Wizdom
New CWFJ Family Member
Posts: 21
|
Post by Wizdom on Sept 22, 2004 16:13:09 GMT -5
Ironically Oprah just had a show on about relationships. The guest has written a book titled, "He's Just Not Into You" or something like that. I'll get the exact title and his name later.
This show was an eye opener and SCIENCE, brother everthing you said was verified on that show!
HIGHLIGHTS/SUMMARY of the Oprah program of today:
I. Men mentally put women on "tiers" of importance.
a. If he calls you constantly and persues you, you are on Tier #1. The men on the show (in the audience) were saying that when they want a woman, they move mountains right away to get to the woman.
Oh my goodness!!!! They said that if a man tells you he is "busy", it means he is just not into you because if he were, he would make time for you. The "busy" excuse is the first clue to run away from him.
b. If he calls you every now and then and the conversation is about sex or something mundane, he is stringing you along and you are on Tier #2
c. If he calls you maybe once a month and rarely takes you out, you are on Tier #3
d. If he won't even return your calls, rarely responds to your text messages or phone messages, you are a booty call and on Tier #4.
OH MY GOODNESS! Whew. Everybody, go back and read what Science wrote. Science broke it DOWN!
|
|
Wizdom
New CWFJ Family Member
Posts: 21
|
Post by Wizdom on Sept 22, 2004 16:37:57 GMT -5
|
|
Patience
New CWFJ Family Member
Posts: 9
|
Post by Patience on Sept 22, 2004 20:14:30 GMT -5
I have not had time to read all of these posts yet but I will some time this week. I looked over several of them. I am not big on dating. I met and married my husband within 5---FIVE months of meeting him and it has been 2 years of blessed bliss so far and going strong.
I'll talk more about this at another time. God bless everyone and good night!
|
|
Patience
New CWFJ Family Member
Posts: 9
|
Post by Patience on Sept 23, 2004 18:59:03 GMT -5
I would like to share my testimony in hopes that it will bless a hopeful soul today.
My husband and I met in a way I never would have imagined. I had just turned the corner coming from a friend's "girls night out" gathering when a handsome gentleman pulled up next to me in his spanking new, shiny black truck. He attempted eye contact and I ignored him because, quite frankly, he was of another racial group.
I kept driving and felt a need while sitting at the red light to at least see what he looked like so I looked back at him. He was absolutely handsome and his facial expression as he looked at me was of extreme disappointment that I had ignored him.
Knowing that I may never see him again and knowing that I had no prospects for a date and was going home again to an empty house------knowing that I had just left a group of women all approaching 40 and some already in their 40s who were having a girls night out because 99% of us were manless, I took a leap of faith.
To my surprise, I smiled at the man and pointed to the shopping center across the street. He met me there. This handsome Latin gentleman and I exchanged numbers, went out the next evening and were searching out engagement rings in no time. Within FIVE months (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) yes, five months we were married and it was the best decision of both of our lives. A relative acted as our minister.
Our reception was on the property of a friend of mine who has several acres of land. It was a "pot luck" reception and it did not cost us a dime. We had plenty of food, laughter and LOVE. Our family and friends were so happy for us. It was the most perfect, beautiful wedding I've ever seen because it was mine and it was filled with LOVE. I got pregnant within months of our wedding in spite of being told by a doctor that I would never be a mother!
I pray that someone gets something out of this post and that it blesses you. Don't pass up a good opportunity. Be open to meeting someone of another culture (trust me, there is no difference other than physical features and a few cultural differences).
Because of family obligations, I won't be able to sign or visit this site often but I will when I can. God bless everyone and I hope you have a great testimony soon.
|
|
Wizdom
New CWFJ Family Member
Posts: 21
|
Post by Wizdom on Sept 23, 2004 19:56:21 GMT -5
I loved your testimony Patience. I am hopeful to some day be able to report something like that! Looks like we have come full circle. Watchman on the Wall asked about what it means to wait. Now that I have had more time to think and read these posts, waiting for me means not settling for someone who does not respect me fully and not allowing someone to string me along for the sake of feeding his own ego. The biggest thing I have learned over the past few days is that it is possible to avoid a long dating period. Either someone wants you or they don't.
|
|
|
|
Post by Watchman On The Wall on Sept 23, 2004 21:18:55 GMT -5
I loved your testimony Patience. I am hopeful to some day be able to report something like that! Looks like we have come full circle. Watchman on the Wall asked about what it means to wait. Now that I have had more time to think and read these posts, waiting for me means not settling for someone who does not respect me fully and not allowing someone to string me along for the sake of feeding his own ego. The biggest thing I have learned over the past few days is that it is possible to avoid a long dating period. Either someone wants you or they don't. Actually, we are not quite "full circle" yet. I want to take a look at "waiting" from a totally different perspective. I just need a little time to get the scriptures and my thoughts together. |
|
Glad you joined us!!